In the land of radical transparency and social media, leaks and speculations happen all the time. Rumors about Apple and future product launches happen daily, becoming almost a sport unto itself. Proctor and Gamble announced some layoffs this past week as it transfers some of its marketing online, and in the same news release, they discussed new Tide Pods, and their delayed launch.

Then I ran into a problem using Nestle’s Skinny Cow app on Facebook, where they are running a promotional contest for their new Skinny Cow Candy.  The app has been doing a loop and not letting people enter their information or play the game, and as you can see below, on Day Three-Four, people are getting seriously annoyed.

I think these recent examples show how tricky product launches are becoming. Once any information about your product leaks, any variation from the rumor or speculation will get negative press.  If you don’t exceed expectations which build with or without your help you are opening up the product and your company for public discussion and getting taken out to the woodshed.  Add on what such speculation can do to a stock price as such rumors propagate, and you have a really crazy world with expectations I’m not sure very many people can match.

In some ways, the new Kickstarter model has an interesting spin on product launches.  Entrepreneurs help get funding from other folks online, and then in turn, offer early models of the product or other bonuses, or nothing but thanks, to investors.  But because it is investment in possibilities, and investors are kept in the loop through emails and blogs, it’s more like a joint venture where everyone is rooting for the entrepreneur to succeed.

Larger companies have a disadvantage here, but could they possibly change their product launches to be more interactive in earlier stages?  Could they invite people in to see the sausage beng made?  And would that be better or worse for larger market competitive advantage, if other people know what you’re up to in advance?

The online world is a tough place.  You open yourself up to lots of criticism, only some of which is fair.  Take the Skinny Cow problem.  They are trying something new, for a new product that people love, myself included.  The customers want to engage further, but between the evolving nature of Facebook and a demanding audience, you get a lot of unhappy customers that like the product but start to see you as disconnected and not delivering on the promises you made with the contest.  This tends to have the opposite effect a promotion is supposed to have, making people more unhappy with you and your product than inclined to engage and spread the word.

Product launches are going to get trickier, whether it’s physical products or services, and I think we’re all going to have to watch, learn and evolve in a rapidly changing online environment where small glitches can lead to big headaches for a company.

[As an aside, I think this drives home a lesson many of us including my friends over at Marketing Over Coffee, Chris Penn and John Wall say frequently, keep your information and data analysis stuff on your own website rather than a third party site like Facebook.  This contest probably could have run just as well on the Skinny Cow Website and avoided issues with having a "like gate" on Facebook, and just had a link driving Facebook folks over to your main website to play- equally effective with none of the headaches.

I also went to the effort of looking up the company that was the Agency for Skinny Cow.  As someone who plays in this online space, I figured I would give them a heads up that the app was broken and things were starting to get ugly, as I started to feel for whatever poor soul is trying to manage and respond to the fallout on the page itself.  I looked at it as being a good internet citizen.  That's a story in and of itself for my next post, but suffice it to say, finding and following up on the digital trail finds that the more cooks who contribute, the less control any one person has to fix things when they go bad.

As of this morning, when I tried to log in to Skinny Cow again, I got this message:

At least it's a sign they are trying to fix this, and hopefully figure out how to handle the unhappy customers left in the wake.  I do worry that every time something like this happens, companies will become a little more wary before running contests and other promotions on Facebook, and what kind of effect that will have on the digital space overall.  Time will tell.]

Interestingly enough, the more I use the networks as a way to share what’s of most interest to me, and engage with friends and colleagues without any concern for their rank or alleged influence, the more satisfied I am with my engagement with social media.  And as it turns out, this less prolific method of using social media has had beneficial effects.

At one point, it looked like many of the influence measures were taking volume into consideration more than any other factor in rating your ‘importance” online.  But now that I am overall, less prolific through channels, picking which channels to share things out on, and varying the channels, the greater the increase in my measures.  My first thought seeing this, was “weird.”

Now, I’m thinking that the measures may actually be starting to look more at quality over quantity, spread of the information, but also cross-channel participation.  Measuring influence is a tricky business at any level, and even harder when the data points you look at are your own and subject to internal bias.  The message I feel comfortable in sharing at this point is that authentic engagement seems to carry more value than volume.  I think all of us with a lot of experience on digital channels have known this at our core for a long time, but it seems as if the “rating agencies” are starting to pick this up as well, and that may be a good thing for the space as a whole.

What do you think?  Do you see any value in these “rating agencies”?  Why?  What do you get out of it?  Do you care what your klout or peer index are?  Or is it truly just a side benefit of what you do already?

So this year, I told my husband and kids I wanted to celebrate, instead, on the arbitrary day I chose as my online or social media birthday, February 2.  My husband was rather happy, because he bought himself some time, and we did a lot of travelling over Christmas, making it pretty exhausting, coupled with his holiday call schedule.  The kids thought I was a bit weird, but that was fine.

So yesterday, when I got up, I received all sorts of lovely good wishes on Facebook.  I explained, for my long time friends what I was doing and why, and everyone seemed to be okay with it.  I promised I would report the results, so here they are:

It was a fantastic day.

It was simply great.  I had lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time, and was totally surprised when another friend stopped by (I had checked in on Foursquare) and dropped off a birthday gift! My family took me out to a fantastic dinner and my kids actually tried and enjoyed what I would term “grownup” food.  We came home, did cupcake cakes (keeping things reasonable) and they got me a thoughtful and fantastic present that I will really treasure.

My social media friends were fantastic and kind.  I felt like I had a lot of friends and a really caring community.  A couple of businesses reached out through Facebook with a couple of offers for discounts, etc. clearly based on the marketing data provided by the “adopted” birthday.  And best of all, I had a birthday that really felt special and celebratory,  rather than perfunctory.

Thanks to each and every one of you who read this blog, who connect with me on various networks, and for letting me experiment.

While I wonder whether switching this demographic piece of data both for security and convenience purposes will effect online identification from time to time, I think it’s mostly a harmless vanity of sorts.  Kind of like celebrating President’s Day instead of Washington and Lincoln’s Birthday separately.  It’s a small switch for convenience, but the intent remains the same.

And it really rocked.  Thanks.

That said, what you say matters.  When Mitt Romney said “I like to fire people”, it sounds bad alone, and even in context, it’s a bit odd.  Today he added “I’m not concerned about the very poor” to the list.  In context, and even when asked about whether that’s what he meant to say, he said the very poor have a safety net, and if there’s holes, he’ll fix them, but he’s really only concerned about the middle class (ie. most likely voters).

I want to like Mitt.  But he’s been so busy trying to please everyone, he’s sounding more and more like an empty suit every day.  He sounds like a guy who hasn’t had to do hard work for a long time, lives in a world where he pretty much gets what he wants, when he wants it, and I’m just not sure he’s concerned about much more than the math.  I’m sure he’s a great business guy.  I’m sure he can smell opportunity.  I’m even pretty sure he’s a decent enough guy, and that he loves his family and all the rest.  But I think he lacks an understanding and compassion that I’d like our president to have.

The job of President is like being the nation’s dad.  You have to get out there and deliver the discipline when it’s needed.  You have to make tough decisions about the direction of the family (with ample input from the Congress, which I’ll say plays the role of the Wife in this tortured analogy.)  You have to be able to go down and hug people who are at their lowest after a disaster, and we have to know that you mean it and feel their pain.  You have to make us feel like a community, a whole unit, working towards the same important goals.

Bill Clinton was great at this role. Obama is pretty good as well, although he’s a little more stand-offish, like when your dad reviews your report card.  I worry Romney is like the Dad who gets the kids paraded around a few times a year but other than that, is not very hands on.  He doesn’t look like the guy who’s out there coaching his kid’s team and showing a kid how to make a birdhouse.  He’s not your boy scout troop leader type.

There’s something basically sterile about Romney that makes you feel that he isn’t very empathetic with what a middle class family looks like or how they have to make choices and compromise on things, like if a vacation is even doable this year, or choosing whether they can afford to have kids enrolled in any activities.  I mean empathetic, because he might understand the money part, but I don’t think he knows what it feels like in his heart.  And I think that’s what comes across to all of us watching his every move on TV whether we like it or not.  He seems like he’s getting worn out and annoyed from this crazy, seemingly endless, job interview we call the presidential campaign.  It’s as if he’s only moments away from saying “Look- what more do you want from me?  I’ve told you everything I can.  Just hire me or not already, ok?  I’ve been working my whole life to win this prize, and I can’t believe you are still asking me questions.”

I believe Romney sincerely wants to be president.  But I don’t think it’s for the honor of representing our Country and for bringing us all together as a single unit.  I don’t think he looks at it as a fiduciary duty, where every dollar spent and every action taken is for and on the behalf of each and every citizen of this Country.  I think it’s about him, and what the Presidency will get him, not about being Dad.   And that’s what makes me the most disappointed about what I’ve heard from him so far.  It’s not about us.

Saying thank you to people in our lives is important to them and it’s important to you as well.  Making the time and effort to recognize hard work, friendship, and going beyond the call- can easily get overlooked in the list of things we “need” to do while checking off our year-end lists.  Yet these small recognitions and public acknowledgements mean the world to people, and helps encourage us all to do a little more.

Here’s a few public Thank You’s to people who’ve made a huge difference in my life this year:

1. Jenifer Fox, Marjorie McAneny, Tracey Gallagher, and Robin Lloyd- for all the work on The Differentiated Instruction Book of Lists.  We finally got the book out there, and my co-author Jenifer was amazing to work with.  The team at Jossey Bass, starting with our editor, Margie, her assistant, Tracey, and Robin who helped work out all the  details- thank you from the bottom of my heart.

2. Chris Penn, Michelle Wolverton, CC Chapman, Julien Smith, Ron Ploof, Tamsen McMahon, and Amber Naslund- What a great group of friends!  It’s been a big year for everyone, and I think it’s at least in part for the support and push we give each other from time to time.  Thank you so much- you mean the world to me.

3. The Social Media Community in Delaware and Philadelphia-  It’s a big group, but Ken Grant, Nancy & Don Dilbert, Jennie Brand, Maya and Rodney, Laurie and Candace, Gordon and Jessica, Nancy Solero, Felicia and Gov. Markell; Lee Mickles; Gloria Bell, Cecily Kellog, Christine aka Purple Car, Lynette, Paul Muller, Bill Rowland, Steve Lubetkin, Alan Chaess, and so many more- you really make things happen and I couldn’t be more humbled to be associated with such superstars so close to home.

4. Chris Brogan, Rob Hatch and the Human Business Works team- I love working with you.  It’s really become a family over time, and I’m glad I can make small contributions to help things come together when needed.  There’s nothing better than when you can work with people you truly care about, and I’m lucky to have that with you guys.

5. Steve and Diane Brogan- You are two fantastic people, and I’m glad we got to spend time together especially during your visit here and getting to meet victoria Wyeth.  That will always be a special memory.

6. My fantastic husband and two boys- It’s been a really crazy year, between the book, lots of travel all over the country for all of us, and despite what could have been a very stressful time, it ranks up there with on of the best years ever.  I love so very much.

7. Cathy MacDougall, my trainer, for kicking my butt and showing me what hard work is really about, and never letting me quit.  The same goes for Elizabeth Stinson, Christina Gorman, Tish Baldwin, Anne Bolsby,  Karen Buchannan, Janice Reynolds, Tamara Fellows, Kelly Figueroa, Melody Ruth, Lenna Jannick- you girls are the best friends a girl could ever have, and your support and butt-kicking have been so important to me-you’ve been there when I needed someone to talk to or felt insecure, and I treasure you all.

8. To my Mom and my Dad- while you both live in very separate worlds, you are both caring people and great parents- each in your own way- to me.  Thanks, and I love you both.

9. All those folks who help out by being my experts- We all need people in our lives to look up to, and to be our mentors.  I have more than I can count, so I’ll give a more blanket thanks to each of you for teaching me so much and helping me better understand how this crazy world works on all different levels.  Expertise comes in all sizes and shapes, and we all need to rely on others to make things happen for us.  Thank you.

10. To wrap it up- Thanks to everyone who comes by and reads this blog.  A blog is sort of like running your own magazine.  There’s a bit of ego involved, mixed with a legitimate desire to help others and spread the word about great ideas, projects, events and opportunities to make a difference in the lives of others.  I’m always amazed and humbled by the number of people who swing by the blog, and I want to make sure to thank each of you, even in this blanket way, for subscribing, for caring, and for taking the time to read my words.  That’s something to be truly grateful for, every day of the year.

The concept of “privileged communication” is a legal concept that basically says that certain recognized relationships involve the exchange of confidential communication, and that without some over-riding compelling reason, the communications between these parties is not allowed into evidence in a Court of Law. It basically excludes things said or written between the parties to remain confidential The general list of professions and relationships that generally have a right of privileged communication under State law (and this varies between States) often includes:

• Accountant -Client
• Attorney Client
• Physician- Patient
• Clergy -parishioner
• Spousal privilege
• Reporter’s/Journalist’s privilege
• Therapeutic (psychologist/Therapist) Privilege
• Executive Privilege (Governmental)

While there’s an existing Doctor-Patient privilege, this rule causes me to wonder if there’s a Doctor-Doctor privilege as well?  While I’m all for people having information about their health, should a patient be constantly evaluating and arm-chair quarterbacking their own care?  What happens if a Doctor notes in chart for other physicians in the practice to see that he suspects a patient may be in an abusive relationship, have drug-seeking behavior, or suspects a patient may be lying about their habits or alcohol intake for a variety of reasons (including insurance purposes, etc.) and the patient objects to the Doctor’s noting this information?  Is a Doctor liable for accusations of slander for making such remarks to other physicians in a chart?

Moreover, from having chats with doctors I know, there’s a whole bunch of codes in charts such as “FLK” for “funny-looking kid” when a doctor might suspect something could be wrong but isn’t sure; or “2 carbon fragment abuse” as a euphemism for alcoholic; 4F- for fat, forty, female and fair, indicating a pre-disposition for gallbladder disease; CTD for circling the drain and getting close to death,  and the like.  (You can see a whole list of them here-not all are commonly used and many are crude, but look at it as gallows humor). Also check out an alternative lists here and here, and a more informative list of common terms and abbreviations found on charts here.

I know that doctors need to communicate this information between them.  They need to be able to give honest and even, to the public, rude assessments about a patient’s appearance, and that’s not something every patient is going to want to read or hear.  It’s easy to imagine times where a doctor makes remarks about a child’s parents or relatives and whether or not they seem like they can handle a patient outside of the hospital.  This is vital for the support staff to know, but I’m not sure a patient needs to know their doctor thinks their Mom is crazy or unengaged in their care.

I think as we look for more and more transparency between professionals and their clients/patients, we also have to realize that sometimes, not everything needs to be known.  For example, if a Doctor is trying to figure out what’s wrong and is going through a diagnostic tree, and is trying to rule out all sorts of things, I want to make sure that’s documented on the chart.  But afterwards, it can look like the Doctor didn’t automatically know what was wrong (like magic) and instead relied on a pathway to diagnosis that may have led to some dead ends, which may lead to patients making assumptions about malpractice, incompetence and the like that may be very far from the truth.  And certainly, we don’t want every patient using Web MD to second guess their physician with every medication they are given in the hospital, moment by moment.  This sort of transparency may lead to more mistrust than trust, undermining the fundamental reason why people sought professional help in the first place.

In all avenues, we need to let professionals use not only their facts and knowledge, but their experience, intuition and “feelings” about something to get a job done.  Having access to information and data on the web does not give us the experience or the host of background knowledge and experience that makes people good at their jobs.  We can’t boil down every profession into a simple lists of “to do’s” to be mechanically followed without variance, because people are not machines.  We have weird things happen, and we need people to be able to improvise and follow non-logical avenues from time to time, without worry that someone will be up their butt second guessing everything they do afterwards.

I’m finding in this age of too much information, I need to be able to trust certain folks to be professional and do their jobs, and do them well.  I may be as jaded as the next guy, but I hire professionals because of their expertise, not in spite of it.

I can’t be a master of all trades, so I need to trust that some things, like my heath care, will need to be “outsourced” to my physician to monitor, and let me know when I really have to worry, and when I should be kept in the dark to avoid too much worry. For example, when a doctor sends a patient with severe headaches for an MRI, the patient probably doesn’t need to know “It might be a brain tumor, but most likely it’s a migraine, hypertension, or another benign cause” because this is simply too much information and worry, especially if there’s a delay in getting the scan, for something that’s statistically likely to be nothing, but they have to rule out the outlying serious complication.

Let’s start to accept that it’s okay of somethings aren’t known and some things stay private.  It’s really for our own piece of mind.  The hard part of course, is figuring out the parmeters of that “need to know” and I don’t think we’re even close to figuring that out yet.

Hurty Feelings, by Helen Lester

Online, it’s amazing how easy it can be to slight someone intentionally or unintentionally, but I think we’re all still getting used to how to navigate these hurt feelings.

One of the kid’s books I enjoyed reading to my kids and gave us a piece of vocabulary that we use until this day, is Helen Lester’s “Hurty Feelings.” The main character is incredibly sensitive and often takes innocent statements by others to heart, making drama out of the smallest things.  I read it to my kids, because one of them in particular, was using the “That hurt my feelings” statement to pretty much manipulate other family members.  ”That hurt my feelings” became a defensive and offensive weapon, so we had to put that in perspective, and this book was great for that.  I had to teach the boys that sometimes, feelings get hurt, and unless it was clearly meant to be mean or nasty, we had to learn to roll with the punches, and also not use “hurty feelings” as a shield from all responsibility for our own actions. In fact, most of the time, people aren’t looking to be mean- they just are oblivious to the fact that you’re senstive on some subjects, and need to know when to back off.  Now, when someone seems to over-react, we now look at each other, and in a small voice, say “Do you have hurty feelings?” And if the other person says yes, then we try to make amends, but the interjection of the humorhelps us put the emotional issues into some perspective.

Hurty Feelings Online

I’m starting to wish I could read this book to some online folks who take lots of things personally, even when they have nothing to do with them, their business, product, or whatever.  We all are subject to feeling slighted from time to time, or left out, because we know so much more about what’s going on.  But we can’t do every job, go to every event, or read every email.  It’s impossible at scale.  I may feel left out sometimes, or not included when I see things other folks are going to, but I have to deal, because I’m not going to be able to be everywhere, all the time and sometimes, I will miss opportunities.  It’s the way life goes.

This post stems from a couple of incidents.  One was hearing from some friends that they had experienced incidents on Facebook that sound like kindergarten disputes- (cue sing song voice here…) “Well, if you are her ‘friend’ on Facebook, I won’t be friends with you, because I don’t like her.”  Really?  This goes on between adults?  That’s downright weird for anyone over the age of about 10.

The second incident was hearing recently that someone was surprised when I unsubscribed to their website/newsletter.  They told a third party they wish I had taken the time to tell them what they could do better rather than just opting out.  I get this.  I wish we all knew why some people read our stuff or did not, why they find us interesting or not.  I also know that unsubscribing from things is probably not so much about you, but mostly about me.

In fact, since Thanksgiving, I’ve been trying to narrow down the “bacn” email: stuff I’ve signed up for, but is tending to clog my files or inbox and something I’m not reading often when it’s sent.     I’m trying to be ruthless, because as of this moment, I technically have 2068 messages in only one of my email boxes, and I am gearing up to do an “Archive all” come the first of the year and start fresh.  I am drowning in interesting information- but unless I take the time to turn that information into action- transform it into knowledge or wisdom- it’s simply being wasted on me.  As a result, I’m doing the email equivalent of unfollowing folks.  For the record, I’ve yet to be a big unfollower on sites like Facebook and Twitter unless all I get is DM spam from your account.

From my perspective, I’m trying to improve my focus.  I’m trying to limit the inbox distractions.  And while I could politely just dump your email into a “delete all later” box, it seems a little more direct and honest to opt out.  It’s certainly my loss not to hear from you regularly, but after I narrow down everything to a manageable scale, I might be back.  Right now, I need to minimize things.

Moreover,  if I’m not one of your regular customers, should it really matter if I opt out?

Seth Godin wrote earlier this month about how scarce attention is, and how that’s our most important asset.   I may have decided to spend less attention on your stuff, but it really is my loss, I promise.

But the other thing to consider in this equation is that not everyone out there is necessarily your audience.  I may be an occasional part of your audience, but maybe not all the time.  And I certainly know from my stats that not everyone I know comes by and reads my blog, and I’m really okay with that.  I hope people care about what I write here, but not everyone will care all the time, and I’m good with that.

If you’re seriously concerned about people unsubscribing from your email, newsletters, or de-friending you on various networks, (and its more than one person…) only then might you start to think about how you are using your communication channels.  Maybe you only need to speak to people once a week.  Maybe you can segment your list and send stuff to folks who want to hear from you at different frequencies- some may be once a week people- others, once a quarter.   Perhaps an RSS feed into a reader is better for them than email.  Maybe they just like hearing from you on Facebook.  Investigating how often your audience wants to hear from you is probably a good thing, and gives you more insight into how to make your communications more effective.  You never know until you ask.

Similarly, like I have been telling my students, you need to think like a publisher.  How much of the content you put out would you independently go out of your way to read?  Why?  What are your communicating, and what do you want people to do with this information?  Heck, my friend Chris Brogan is so overwhelmed by incoming content that I make sure I only send him email when it’s necessary and I keep it as short and sweet as possible, with specific information that needs to be communicated or acted on.  He’s trained me to communicate like this with him, and as a result, I’m almost always certain he’s reading and replying to what I send.

Personally, I know that I have to be more careful with my time and attention than ever.  I’m having to make hard choices and I don’t have all the hours in the day I wish I did. (I keep looking for an effective way to create an extra 2 hours a day, but unless I develop a time machine, that’s not likely.)

To quote every high school movie out there, it’s not you- it’s me.  And likewise, I don’t think you should necessarily tweek or change what you’re doing just because I suck at handling my incoming mail.  If more than a few people are unsubscribing and you’re concerned, please, call me, and we’ll set up an appointment and I’m more than willing to help you and your business.  But don’t take one person’s opt in or opt out of your email as a sign that there’s something wrong, or they should have taken the time to give you thoughtful, constructive criticism.  That’s putting an awful lot of import on only one data point, and probably not one of large significance in the overall picture of life.

In the end, I think we all have to develop a slightly thicker skin to these minor online dramas and “hurty feelings” based on someone else’s actions.  It certainly gives a lot of your own power away when you are vulnerable to these minor slights.  And it seems especially silly when the action- friending a third party, unfriending someone, unsubscribing to a podcast or blog- anything-  almost certainly weren’t taken with a thought of you or your feelings in mind.  More than likely, it happened for a totally different reason, and to let yourself be concerned about this wastes your time and emotional effort you should invest in becoming more awesome to begin with.

I hope in the new year, we’ll all spend less time worrying about “hurty feelings” and more time addressing any problems directly to the person, ask questions, and see if there’s anything to be resolved.  We should also let a lot of the little stuff go, because it will just overwhelm you otherwise.  Look at trends, not data points, and then consider whether you need to change anything.

In the meantime, I do sincerely apologize if I’ve hurt your feelings in one way or another over the past year, but honestly- I never intended to, and it’s just my inability to cope, likely nothing about your personally.    I will try to get better, but I’m drowning in information and I’m searching for a life preserver.

Hurty feelings Video

Here’s a Youtube reading of the book, read by kids (the audio isn’t great, but it will at least give you a sense of the book, if you are so inclined.)

Here are the Slides :

Click here to download the PDF handouts

Despair.com poster

1. Moment by Moment Political Commentary. There have been so many presidential debates, and so many candidates literally churned through the media on a daily basis, we’re seeing more people comment on the most inane, minor stuff, reminding me of this great Despair.Com poster- Never Before Have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few. We’re spending more and more time commenting on every action, decision, rumor and the like, very little of consequences is actually happening.  While I appreciate commentary and insight, so much of it is not always based on all the facts, but just cherry-picked tidbits, that it’s virtually useless. It makes me ask whether or not the media circus is driving our political discourse with commentary that sounds more like sportscasters calling a baseball game.  It certainly seems to rival the influence on decisions that are made as much as donations and special interests do.

2. Everything’s On Fire! There’s entirely too many emergencies going on demanding my attention daily.  There are faux urgencies being injected into everything from the toothpaste I buy (If you don’t use this now, your teeth will discolor and fall out!) to Groupon and Living Social Deals (Now! Today Only! Act!!) to political fundraising (If we don’t get X dollars from you today, we’ll lose everything!).  I don’t know about you, but this faux hype is wearing me out.  It’s having one major effect- I’m getting really good at saying No, turning off these things, opting out of your newsletters, etc.   It’s like the boy who cried wolf- if you don’t save the emergency speech for the true emergency, I’ll stop paying attention to you all together.

3. Decision Impairment. This is the opposite, but a direct result from the Emergency! Problem. Based on the huge options for research, choice, and the constant hope of a better deal, and rumors of that “perfect thing” being just around the corner, I see tons of people paralyzed from action, unsure of when to pull the trigger, afraid of making a mistake.  Too much information paralyzes people from making decisions, and sometimes, more data is confounding rather than clarifying.  This fear of making mistakes leads us to avoid making any decision at all, and it keeps us in a rut.  My friend Julien Smith, is publishing a great book on this on December 7th.  It’s called The Flinch, and it will be available for free in electronic format for the Kindle, Nook, iBooks- everywhere.  We have to learn to take risks, to stretch, to even gamble with making mistakes- we learn a ton from them, and quite frankly, rarely do they turn out to be mistakes at all. But if you never make a decision and commit, you’ll never reap any benefit at all.

4. Privacy Issues.  People have realistic concerns about how much of their stuff online is private.  Basically, despite the appearance of privacy and firewalls online, I basically assume that anything I say or do online is on the public record.  This means the aggregate of my ideas, things I share, pictures, etc. will make up my digital – and real life- reputation, so I need to be responsible for this. It also means that whatever anyone else says about me will also be part of that reputation.  This means I have to live in such a way that I’m comfortable with people saying what they want, even if it’s not particularly nice- they are allowed to have their opinion, and maybe they are simply not my audience, and that’s fine.  Bt it also means that if I want to share truly private information with someone else, I should be selective with that, just like you would be when you decide to share personal info with friends offline. I get that some things should be private- and I’m a big fan of the Constitution.  But I also realize that I have some control over what is public and private- at least what I choose to add to the conversation- and I need to take a second to consider whether EVERYONE needs to know stuff or whether, maybe a phone call or email would be a better choice than a Facebook post.  Privacy, like security, may be as much for the illusion of privacy or safety than for the real thing, especially online.  If it’s important, know the difference.

5. Everybody’s An Expert. Google exists and we can have information at our fingertips at all times.  But information is not experience, or knowledge or wisdom.  Just because you went to school once, does not make you an education expert.  Learning how to construct curriculum, meet the needs of a diverse set of learners, and perform in front of them successfully every day is a real art and should not be subjected to the same moment by moment assessment of performance that Basketball players get on the court. Likewise, just because I can go to Home Depot and buy cool tools does not make me a general contractor.  Heck, there are some things I can teach myself to do, but I think we all have to be a little more wary of when we need to call in help from the field.  Watching one video on sink installation does not make me a plumber, and I shouldn’t try to armchair quarterback a professional’s every move when they come to fix something.  Let people with experience and expertise do what they do best.  And know when you’re in over your head and ask for help.

This American Life had a great show this past week on Middle School. You can get it from the This American Life website, or click on the player below. It’s a great episode that describes not only all the physical, mental and emotional changes kids go through, but how they start to really become themselves during this period. They talk to middle schoolers at dances (including a dance in Lewes, Delaware) and it’s exactly what I observe chaperoning middle school dances as well- kids trying on different social relationships and expectations, and trying to figure out where they fit in the big picture.

When I teach an after school program we call “KMS Radio”, trying to teach podcasting to middle school kids after school, I typically have a class of 6 to 8 kids. I’ve tried to get them to think about making their own radio show, even story-boarding a project we can complete over time. The first few groups loved this, and they did video game reviews, little news programs, and the like, much more like standard morning radio fare. Later classes wanted to make their own movies more, although often they didn’t have the patience to plan it out in advance. (Although I have some great video of a “real world” angry birds video that we shot a few weeks ago…)

So this session, I decided to try something I had tried once before, and use a “This American Life” type format. After the storyboarding and planning out a “show” fell a bit flat, we started having the kids interview each other, on digital recorders and on video about what they think about teachers, school, and their whole experience. For some, it seems like the first time anyone has ever asked for their viewpoint on things. They love seeing themselves on video, and using the iPad to shoot video as well.

My experience with young middle schoolers is very much like that you hear on the This American Life episode. They are full of ideas, bold but shy at the same time. They are testing their limits of comfort, and trying to find themselves. I was particularly intrigued by one boy who was almost painfully shy, but loved being behind the camera, or composing music, but seemed to be afraid to get into the mix as much. (With a few really exuberant girls in the group, I was lucky to get a word in edgewise as well, so I get that completely.) But I wonder what he’s thinking and what Middle school is like for him. He’s a pleasant and smiley kid, and I just would love to know what’s really going on beneath the surface, not that I have any real right to know, but he makes me curious.

Middle school, as a transition time not only in the lives of kids, but in the times we all live in, seems like a microcosm reflecting this change. Education and educational technology is changing the way schools teach, and tech is likewise changing the social lives and leisure time of these kids as well. They’re fascinated by even getting to touch an iPad just to explore it- I could do a whole course that involved letting kids mess around with iPads for an hour once a week, and they would be thrilled. They’re on the cusp of exploring the world, exploring their selves, and the power they have to make change.

It seems weird to think of middle schoolers as larval adults, but they are going through that metamorphosis that will continue, at a lesser pace of change, throughout high school. This proto-adult they are forming will be the foundation of who they’ll be in the future. For some, this will be the best part of their lives, and for others, it will be the most awkward. But it’s kind of exciting to watch it happen, and to get a glimpse of kids experimenting with versions of themselves and who they want to be. For that reason alone, I’ll be truly sorry to be “aging out” of having middle schoolers by the end of the school year.