ROI of Your Brain

Many times my husband will ask me whether or not the things I am choosing to do are focused or not.  He sees some of my projects and interests as being distractors from the core mission.  I often think he is right, but other times, the core mission is not just one project or focus, it’s me, as a whole package.

Sometimes I’ll go to a conference and think that I’m not going to get that much out of the experience, or that it’s a waste of time.  But inevitably, there’s some connection, incident, or some piece of knowledge that comes out of the experience that makes it 100% worth my time and then some.  Sometimes, it’s using that fragment or connection to help someone else.  Sometimes, it’s being aware of something new that becomes useful in a week or two, or further down the line.

This means that whenever I start to consider narrowing my focus, or limiting who I follow on Twitter, or adding friends on Facebook, or whatever goes into the “more” category, I get nervous that I am going to miss out on one of these great moments where I can really help someone, or get something special accomplished.  It means it’s hard when I miss evening events in Philly because I live so far out in the suburbs, and our schedule makes it almost impossible to do.  It means I wish I could go to more and different conferences, to learn more and explore more.

My friend Mark Blevis and I started talking about Curiosity when he came to Podcamp Philly.  If you are fundamentally curious, your brain automatically starts to ask the next question- Well- what about this?  Have you ever thought of that?  The boundaries of possibility and probability fall away to imagination and creativity, and can lead to some of the most exciting talks and ideas I’ve ever had.

Exploration, curiosity, critical and creative thinking are all neighbors, and all they require is that you leave your fear at the door.  You have to be willing to be wrong, to make naive suggestions, to take some risks, to be open and emotionally vulnerable, to be willing to be wrong, to fail and to even feel silly.

This is not always easy.  In fact, it often feels like you are walking a highwire without a net.  I often have to walk myself through the scary, fear driven stuff by saying “what’s th worst thing that could happen?”  Usually, it’s that someone would say no.  But more often than not, I find that No can be motivating to try something different- tinker, improve and try again, or try a different channel.

All of these things are a key part of having a resilient mindset.  It’s what we all need to have, especially kids- a place where we can try and fail and try again, in an effort to make things right.  We have to make it safe for them to try and fail, and not to be humiliated in the process.  We have to be willing to be seen as foolish,  a dreamer, an idealist, or even quixotic, tilting at windmills to try to make things happen.  It may take a lot of work and a lot of tries to get things right, but when they are right, they are spectacular.

And – here’s the big secret- once you start taking risks, the whole fear of humiliation lessens.  To the point, almost, where it’s even hard to imagine what would make me humiliated about anything that I’ve tried to accomplish, even if it fails.  Those mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow, and that’s what we all need- kids and adults alike.

Tags: brain, connections, curiosity, Mark blevis, podcamp philly, resiliency, ROI

Social Connection

This is a follow up to my recent post on the Social Contract.

Humans have a basic need for social connection.  The experiments done by Harlow and others in the 50’s show that primates need touch and nurturing to do well.  In fact, many of the cases of failure to thrive in infants may be due to a lack of love and stimulation in a caring, loving environment.

This does not go away as we get older.   People most prone to suicide are those with little or no social connections; and elderly people become more and more likely to pass away after a spouse passes away as well.    There’s a great book where you can read more on all these phenomena called Connect: 12 Vital Ties that Open Your Heart, Lengthen Your Life and Deepen Your Soul by Edward M Hallowell, MD (well-known for his work on ADHD.)

As this applies to my previous post on social connections, I don’t think the basic need for humans to connect has changed over time.  Even online in social media, we are essentially looking for connections to others for business and personal reasons- other people who “get us” especially when we are not particularly connected to our real world communities.

People still have to deal with the paradox of wanting to be simultaneously recognized for our individuality and value, while contributing to something larger and more important than ourselves.  Essentially, we want to answer those big questions- What Will I Be Remembered For?  What Will I Accomplish?  Why Am I Here?  Where Do I Want To Be?

I think it has become so easy to chase the job, the money, the dream, or whatever, that we sometimes lose patience with working it out where we are.  People leave jobs, relationships and marriages because they are frustrated and have lost patience in trying to get it right with the job/person they’re with.  Sometimes, the situation is unfixable.  Other times, we leave situations because we are bored, and blame other people for not filling all of our needs.  (Often I think some of those needs are things you should expect to fill for yourself, but that’s another blog post entirely).

I hope we are all on a quest to become better people.  I hope we all understand that no one else or no specific job can make you happy – that’s your responsibility.  It’s nobody’s job to make your life easier unless you are specifically paying them to do so.

That being said, I think we have to take a larger view through the lens.  We can’t always look at what’s best for us without considering the impact we have on others, or the downstream consequences of our actions.  I don’t mean this to imply we all need to become Hamlet and have “paralysis by analysis”.  We need to act, we need to protect ourselves and our families, but we also have to understand that there are real benefits that come from being connected to others, nurturing relationships, sharing, and not giving up just when it gets a little hard.

I hope the transiency that exists in our society today is not breeding a culture based on filling only temporary needs and no longer looking past the next quarter’s profit and loss statement to figure out value.  If we remain myopic about the big picture, all the short term churning is for naught.  Just look at everyone who took out big home loans, thinking interest rates would never go up, and are now losing their homes in the mortgage crisis.  This is looking at the short term- What Seems Great For Me without considering downstream issues at all.  And the cost is gonna be pretty high for them, and now for the rest of us with the bail out currently in the works in DC.

So I guess what I am trying to say here, whether we like it or not, we are all interconnected.  What’s good for you may not always be what’s good for me, but maybe if we work together we can both win, as well.

What do you think?  Do you have online proxys for connectedness that take you out of your real life communities?  Is connectedness to your neighbors, social institutions, things outside of your immediate family important?

Tags: connections, Edward hallowell, mortgage crisis, social contracts, ties